The U.S. has a new favorite dog breed – and it’s not the Labrador Retriever

A Poem in Response to Breaking News

Mar 18, 2023

News flash / in the puppy popularity wars / there’s been a coup / as longtime favorite / the incomparable Labrador Retriever / has been unseated / from its throne as Number One  / for the first time in thirty-one years / thirty-one! / I read this aloud with some creative license / as you sit on the couch scrolling through news of the Silicon Valley Bank meltdown / 

What? / you say / What dog could be better than a Lab? / And I respond / Drumroll please / it’s… tada… / the French Bulldog / You’ve got to be kidding me / you say / you who never met a dog you didn't love / Isn’t that a foreign dog? / I ignore that comment but say / They’re adorable / so compact / and cute / but you ask / Aren’t they the ones / with the batlike ears / and the smushed up noses / And you keep scrolling / Now they’ve closed Signature Bank / you tell me / Yes, I know and First Republic is getting an infusion of capital from the top eleven banks / 

but listen / I say / they’re quite sweet / and it says here they have such an agreeable demeanor / and I add / they don’t need too much exercise / here’s a picture / look /  that is pretty cute, you admit / and I continue / Even with their problematic nostrils / a perfect second pet / and you say / I told you there’d be a bailout / and I say / I didn’t disagree but technically an infusion is different than a bail out / and you roll your eyes and say under your breath / same diff / 

I offer / they don’t bark much / But I look over and I can see you all teared up / and wiping your eye on your sleeve /  and I know it isn’t the banking crisis / but you missing our old Labs / the chocolates / the litter mates we got right when we moved to the farm / such fat brown puppies / good god those were the best dogs / they followed you like children / and I had to be the one to stay in the room / holding them / while the vet put them down / a year apart from each other / because you just couldn’t face the heartbreak / so I say / don’t worry honey / nothing is better than a Lab / I don’t want a French Bulldog / and you were right about the banks