I forgot there were stars

My Hometown Poem #78

Oct 12, 2022

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I forgot there were stars
Because I was looking straight ahead.
Shining street lamps 
Glaring headlights 
The noise of traffic and sirens
The smell of exhaust.

I forgot there were stars
Because I was looking to the left and the right.
In meetings, in the grocery store 
Pumping gas, loading laundry
Scurrying like an ant 
Urgently moving crumbs
Spinning in circles. 

I forgot there were stars
Because I stopped looking at all.
Head down, focused on facts 
Screens blinking 
Paper in my hands
Breaking news
Like rushing water 
In my ears.

But then one cold winter night I saw them
So dark so quiet
As I walked along the path.
The screech of an owl pierced me
And the universe opened up.
I fell headlong 
into the blackness of the midnight sky.
The constellations held me 
And shook me with celestial violence.

For a split second
My life unfolded in a gleaming orb.
Moments I had shoved down so deep I could not feel them any more 
Came rushing up.
All the loss and longing and doubt and despair.
All the joys I had dismissed. 
The mystery of an eclipse 
A hawk slowly gliding against the clouds
The silence after a snowfall
The gentle rustle of autumn leaves
Freshly cut hayfields 
Stretching out against the horizon.

I inhaled 
Exhaled
And I was overcome with a sacred stillness. 
Then the heavens
threw me back to earth 
With a shocking roughness
and whispered 
In a voice of love and rage
Look up.

I forgot there were stars
But they were the breath inside me
Always.

Dispatches from the Heartland

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